I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
