I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
