i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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