Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
