I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
