I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
