dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
