did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
