The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize