I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
