that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
