are you so shy because you have an std?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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