oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize