If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
