imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
