This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
