no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize