She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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