Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
