we have pet lesbian snakes
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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