I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize