There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
this will be a night to untag.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
not ubering you a puppy
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
