Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
