please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize