my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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