my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize