I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
MIDGETS
????
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
