I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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