her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
