I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You dont lie about slip and slides
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize