She went from zero to smokin in five shots
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
either way he was missing a nipple.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
