Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize