HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
