Your dad touched me again.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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