I can't breathe out the right side of my face
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
