Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
