And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
