I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
