dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
