Umm I'm too high to move.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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