Sponge bath it is.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
