walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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