i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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