Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
