Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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