fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
