I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
