chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
