I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
