We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
