apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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