I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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