I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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