Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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