people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
