I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
