She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
