I'm going to jail i love you
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Randomize
