In the future we'll all be gay
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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