He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
