i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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