People with herpes should wear stickers.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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