the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I want to fling myself into the sun
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize