He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
