when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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