What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
