The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
