My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
