I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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