Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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