you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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