like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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