hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
