I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
