thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
