Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
