I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
