she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize