but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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