he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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