honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
