i think my tv is drunk
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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