it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
