Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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