so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
