this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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