Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
